finding a representation of myself

Hello, Stranger.

I always wanted to start a blog post like this, but it never fit. This time it does.

Hello, Stranger.

That stranger is not you. It was me, when I sat in front of my laptop. Staring.

I was looking at my website. My own personal little corner in this gigantic virtual world called the internet.

I was looking at my words. The result of my code. And it was me. But not really.

When I first started a blog I didn’t really know what I wanted it to be about. I knew that I liked to write. But I shared my stories on a forum already. But then I kinda got into reading tutorials and thought: Hey, that’s what I want to do! I know Gimp. I know how to explain. I mean, I knew how to take a Screenshot and add Type on top of it.

My first blogging subject was born.

I wrote tutorials. A ton of them, but my blog looked like crap. I created personalized background images, but that was not enough. And then I was introduced to this magical, wonderful, dream fulfilling thing. There was a language that could affect the looks of websites. This was literally the thing I aspired to do with my writing; paint a picture with just words.

The name of the magical language was CSS. We kinda started a love affair. Both of us got older and evolved. CSS go a little more sassy and I distanced myself from the visual design and went deeper into the world of coding. Frontend Code and I are still going strong and I feel like it might be a very serious relationship.

My first blog got me a job in web development.

I had started writing tutorials about code. Because that’s what I did in my last year of school. All I did was learning how to write responsive websites and then I wrote it all down. Not necessarily for others (even though people really liked my Tutorials for Google Blogger) but mostly for me. Writing it down meant I understood. As soon as I started breaking it all up into digestive chunks, those lines that once were nothing but gibberish made perfect sense. When I started Uni I was looking for a 20% job. I found an ad as a frontend intern and it sounded perfect. I filled out the contact form, asked where to send my CV and dropped a link to my blog and a website I had recently coded. A day after that I got invited to an interview. A week later I had landed my first job. I still work there. No longer an intern.

Two years ago I realized something

I had studied a year of English Literature (Minor) and Communication (Major). I loved English. I hated Communication. I hated all of the theories. It was nothing like what I had imagined Uni to be, but I loved my job.

I decided to quit University. It was the best decision I ever made. But I did not want to quit higher education in general.

I went to a career counselor. I talked mostly. About all of the things that I liked. Mostly about wanting to create but not being all artsy because I am far away from being an artist or regarding myself as one.

The counselor looked at me and all she did was say two words. Media Engineering.

I am a Media Engineering Student

The thing about Media Engineering is this: it is not about one single thing. It is multiple things. There’s some theory. There’s a creative part. There’s design. There’s film-making. There’s writing. There’s web development. The strength of it is the fact that you know about everything. You do focus on media. But you’re not nose-deep into one specialty.

That’s me.

I like a lot of things. So many things.

Me. But not really.

When I was staring at my website I saw me. But only a part of me. I saw what I had blogged about in the past, sprinkled with some flecks of new passions.

It did not fit together. Because I had confined myself. I regarded halfapx as a tutorial blog because its predecessor had been one.

What’s the best thing about having a personal little nook in this gigantic world we call the internet? It is a representation of oneself.

When I was staring at my website I saw the need for an update. My website was screaming for a change. But how should a representation of myself look?

I am loud and I like a lot of things

I live in organized chaos. I love clutter. I love accumulating piles of things. I have tons and tons and tons (and tons) of pens and bottles of nail polish and notebooks and ideas and interests and passions. How was I supposed to fit it all in one blog? How was I supposed to create a visual representation of me without it resulting in a website looking like it was created in the 1990s? Full of gif rainbows and glitter and with my favorite post-hardcore song blasting right at you as soon as the page finishes loading.

I didn’t know. That’s why I was staring. Maybe I was even glaring. Because it was pure frustration.

But then at some point I looked at it and I knew. I knew it and in that moment I nearly jumped up and screamed “Heureka” so loudly that it would’ve drowned out my favorite song, blasting in the background.

I am all Monospace and Brush Lettering right now

A representation of myself is a representation of what I love. And if you reduce it down, it is fairly simple to find out what I am all about.

I am all about words. I am all about emptiness to be filled.

Give me an empty plate and I will have to cook or bake something. Give me a sheet of paper and a brush and I will fill it with lettering. Give me a Laptop and an Editor and I will want to code. Give me a notebook and a pen and I will write a story. Give me a second of silence and I will fill it with words about something I like.

And I just won’t shut up.

Digitally, I type in Monospace.

I’m a writer. My manuscript template is formatted to be standard pages. Monospace.

I’m a coder. An editor is my home. Monospace.

I blog. I needed this to be in Monospace too.

Halfapx is my personal empty page. I don’t want to restrict myself. Halfapx is my platform. Halfapx is just about my words. It is not a tutorial blog. It is a space where I want to write about everything I love. Everything I am about.

I’m all about words, right now.

Hello, Stranger.

The stranger is not me. I have found out what I want to be right now. Now the stranger is you. Who are you? You read all of my babbling up until now. Might as well tell me your name and what’s going on in the head of yours. And maybe even leave me a thought about what you think of the reboot. I’d love to hear. There’s a comment section below.

Okay, over and out. Read you in the next one.

(1233 Words)

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